The ungraceful act of Laughing OUTLOUD in public
I just got into this coffee, hoping I could rinse some work out of my day while sipping an Americano with Tiramisu aroma, in peace.
Being an extroverted person, staying in the house for more than 2 days gets me on my nerves like a junkie deprived from his favorite toxin, I admit.
I have to mention that I came into this coffee place with an extra supplement of pissed off because of a silly argument with one of my family members, nothing dramatic, but it still sets my nerves on that extra sensitive place.
When I say sensitive, I don’t mean that vulnerable, crying whatever dewy incarnation of the word’s meaning, no, I am a quick tempered woman who gets pissed off quite easily, but I do get back to normal just a few minutes (okay maybe hours) later.
So where were we?
Yes, I’m in this coffee, installing myself to start working, and 1 table beside me, is a group of youngsters (16–17 yo), about 4 or 5. And I have this sense of discomfort kicking in right away, and guess what, that sense came in as a warning for the next annoying thing these people were about to commit.
Okay, I’m being a little bit too dramatic maybe, and it’s supposed to be, because the annoyance is indeed, GREAT.
FOR GOD’S SAKE WHAT IS THIS THING SO ANNOYING THAT THESE POOR YOUNG INNOCENT PEOPLE DO ALREADY?
They laughed, loudly.
You might be quitting reading this article by now, in fact, I might not call this an article, it’s just a mini outcry to pass on my anger to a keyboard and write some words on this beautiful space called Medium that I promised myself to fill a little more on my own, maybe this is not the best way to do so, but well, I’m doing it anyway.
As soon as that peak of annoyance passed by (you can imagine a terrible poisonous glance accompanying it, like a school supervisor catching a kid chewing gum in the hallway), I recollected a memory that from a few years ago, when I was the same age as these people.
I was walking back home from school with two of my classmates, and as usual, sometimes my mother picks me up halfway.
That day as the stopped the car a few meters ahead of me to pick me up, I was laughing with my classmate, quite loud, actually, drop the quite, I was laughing LOUDLY.
As soon as I got into the car, all happy and in a great mood, my mother quickly gave me that “you just did a bad thing” look.
And so we were set for the Nth life lesson she will proceed to deliver me.
Mother: “You know that laughing out loud public is uncivilized and frowned upon?”
Me: “No, why would it be? it’s just laughing, this doesn’t make sense, how can laughing be frowned upon?”
I vividly remember that conversation because of how STRONGLY I was convinced that her words were nonsense.
I later on learned how we tend to qualify something as nonsense when what we believe is the exact opposite of what is being presented to us. Classical cognitive bias.
Mother: “I did not say that laughing is frowned upon, it’s doing so in such a LOUD voice that is”
Me: “But laughing is spontaneous, you can’t control how you laugh, and isn’t it good to hear people laughing, it’s even contagious, don’t you want people to laugh?”
Mother: “Laugh all you want, just do it in a mannered way and with respect to these social norms that are set for a reason.”
At this point we went on unnecessary back and forth (mainly maintained and caused by my ignorant ass at that time, sorry mum).
Of course, I took her instruction, not because I was convinced, but because I didn’t want trouble at that time, and maybe, because at some unconscious level, I trusted my mother’s lesson without being aware of it at that time.
(To parents reading this, yes, we do take your advice even when we seem to be against it, you can rest in peace knowing that we just like to argue sometimes (well most of the times) but eventually, if you’re firm and wise enough to deliver your message with a supporting argument, we will turn around back to it and apply it)
At this age now, 23, not that old, but older enough to notice the understanding and care of upholding certain social norms that I considered ridiculous and regressive back in the time, I now FULLY understand what my mother meant and how she was completely right.
In my country, Tunisia, we are part Arabs, part Mediterraneans, and our group of people is well known for its quick temper, out-loudness and noisiness. Therefore I cannot permit myself to be this annoyed every time this happens, whether it’s laughing or talking out loud, even I do it from time to time. But god I can’t put off how annoying it is, it’s a physical reaction, I can’t control it, just like when a complete stranger touches you, you know that feeling of irksome and annoyance that rains over you uncontrollably all of a sudden? Well in this case, I feel like it’s someone pounding on my brain with sharp tiny sticks.
Why I think one should try to laugh as modestly as possible when in public?
Well, other than to avoid annoying people around you, it’s a sign of respect, humility and GRACE.
GOD what happened to GRACE? Why isn’t it a thing anymore?
When you talk or laugh out loud in public, you interrupt and invade the personal auditory space of people around you, that is why it feels like an aggression.
Here’s an illustration:
Just like someone blasting off music from his car in a traffic, unless you’re putting a wildly popular and appreciated song, it is simply forcing people around you to listen to your music, which is not okay, when you could enjoy it quietly in your car, without annoying us.
I want to end this little outcry and invitation to grace by clarifying that I’m absolutely NOT a joy killer, in fact, I love to see people laughing and having good times, they bring such a good vibration to a place, but I like it to be done in a respectable manner.
The young people has gone quieter now, I neither despise nor resent them, and I whole heartily forgive them for causing me that little annoyance a little earlier.
See, I’m not a crazy Karen, I’m just a person who likes to respect the common sense decibel volume in public places.
